In a funk

To be completely honest, I have been in a funk lately.  I think that I always knew that two under two (shoot, two in 14 months for me) was going to be hard, but I didn't realize that it was going to be this hard.  I heard that people say just to survive the first year and it gets better, then your kids will start to be able to play together, etc.  Man, I hope so!  I feel like ever since my parents left and I have had to do the day in and day out thing by myself, it has gotten so much harder.  Plus this last month with endless illnesses for both of the girls and myself has not helped.  And once you get into a funk, it's really hard to get out of it.  I haven't consistently been to the gym probably in over a month now, I rarely see the girls from my mom's group, Kevin's been working late and traveling a lot more, all in all, it's just been a tough couple of months.  Then add Kiley being in a major tantrum stage and Ella deciding that she no longer needs to take naps during the days and I am at the end of my rope.  It's time for me to get out of the funk!!!! 

In the back of my mind I know that I have so much to be grateful for.  I have two beautiful daughters, an amazing husband, my family, friends, health, etc, but sometimes it is so easy to get sucked into what's not going right and dwell on that instead of reminding yourself how great you do have it.  I know that two under two is hard, but I also know so many people who would do anything to have two under two (or even just one for that matter) and I try to remind myself of that when times are tough, but like I have said, it is hard.  A lot has changed for me in a short span of time and sometimes I miss my old life of going to work everyday, seeing work friends, going to the gym after work, walking the dogs, having dinner in peace, sleeping withougt being woken up a million times for someone needing to be fed or wanting a pacifier.  Don't get me wrong, I love my girls to death, but when all you have done all day is listen to a whiney toddler, a crying baby, getting food, cleaning up food, throwing ball to dog, taking dogs out, watching the mess around you spiral out of control--it's hard not to want a little ME time.  I must say, Kevin is awesome at helping when he is home.  He isn't one of those husbands that thinks that because he is the one making money that is all he has to do, and sometimes I take that for granted.  He works so hard to provide for us and I expect so much of him also when he is home, and a lot of times I forget to say thank you.  I'm really lucky that I have him and I can't even imagine what my life would be like without him.  But, it's also easy to feel lonely sometimes when he is at work all day and I am at home with just the kids.  Pre-Ella, it was so much easier for me to get out to playgroups and I met a lot of really great girls that I met up with a couple of times of week.  But since Ella, it seems like everyone has kind of gotten close to one or two other people in the group and they do things together on their own and even they they still do get together as a group sometimes, it's hard for us to get there with Kiley and Ella having different schedules and trying to juggle a tantruming toddler and crying baby is hard out in public, so we haven't really gotten out much.  Most of my other girlfriends that live in the city are still single and get to go out and do fun, child-less things, so I don't get to see them too much. 

So, with all of these things going on, it's easy to see how I am in a funk.  I'm ready to get out of the funk though and I realize that I have to make some changes to reconnect with friends, reach out more and ask for help when I need it.  I am looking forward to a fun weekend with college girlfriends.  We are celebrating Jersey's wedding and this is the first time that I am doing a girl's weekend in a couple of years and it couldn't come at a better time.  I am really anxious about leaving the girls and Kevin behind, but I know that they are going to be just fine, and I probably need this weekend away more than they need me at home.  And next week, I vow to get back to the gym, back to playgroups, and back to enjoying my kids and husband instead of being in my funk. 

Have a great weekend.