Learning to say No

I'm sure that we all have hit times in our lives where there is just too much going on, things get hectic, we get stressed, and we end up not really enjoying anything that we are doing.  I don't think that this just relates to moms, or women, or those who work vs. stay home, I think that it hits everyone at some point in our lives and we have to learn when and how to say no. 

When I first had Kiley and decided to stay home, I wanted to do all the mommy-and-me classes.  No joke, I think that I had Kiley going to some sort of class every morning of the week.  In the city, it was just what you did.  Even if someone had older or younger kids, they would have a babysitter at home full time so they could cycle through taking each kid to their respective activities.  For a while, it was fun and I enjoyed meeting other moms, but after awhile, the days started to get a little exhausting.  Scheduling classes in between naps--sometimes even two activities a day, just started to wear on me and Kiley.   She didn't really want to participate in baby sign language and she wasn't getting much out of baby movement-heck she could barely walk at the time let alone do downward dog.  Music class was just a bunch of babies wandering around the classroom putting the instruments in their mouths while the moms chatted about what they were going to sign up for next.  It got exhausting.  Thankfully, I had Ella so quickly after Kiley that I didn't have a choice but to stop attending mommy-and-me class.  I tried at first to bring Ella along in her carrier, but I soon realized that it was just not worth it.  Kiley didn't participate and Ella was starting to get to the age where she was not cool with sitting in her carrier sleeping while her sister got all of my attention.  So, I slowly pulled out of most classes and structured activities.  I still tried to make the occasional playgroup but even those were tough to make with two little girls on two different schedules, let alone just the sheer effort of getting out the house with both kids and all of their stuff. 

Then we decided to move and most of our time was taken up by cleaning, house showings, and house searching--and stressing over the move process.  Then we come to this year where we have moved, we finally feel settled and I have more time on my hands again.  At first, I tried to really acclimate myself to the community and really get into a bunch of things, and once again, at first I enjoyed it and was thrilled to have stuff on my calendar again.  Birthday parties, women's club meetings, book clubs, etc.  But, once again, I hit a wall.  I had too much jam packed into the weekends and on week nights I was racing off as soon as Kevin would get home to run of to some meeting or another.  When the girls were at school, I would run my errands like a crazy lady and not even enjoy the couple hours I had free from kids.  I wasn't enjoying much of what I was doing anymore because there was just simply to much going on. 

So, this year, one of my goals has been to learn to say no.  To be more thoughtful in what I sign up for, volunteer for, rsvp to, and so on.  My girls don't need to be in every activity under the sun.  To be honest, they aren't in anything other than a music class and school right now and some days that even feels like a lot.  Granted, I want to get them into some activities, but as they get older, I need to remember that one or two things a season is plenty--running from one thing every night will not work for me or my family.  I need to take a hard look at the things I do for "fun" and really determine if they are fun and allowing me to de-stress or are they causing me more stress.  And one of the biggest things that I have had to learn is don't schedule too much into a day or week or weekend.   Yes, we were invited to two birthdays in one day, but we don't have to be at both, it's ok to say no.  A friend called and needed a sub for her meals on wheels--I could have been crazy and tried to make it work, but in the back of my mind, I knew it wouldn't work and would only cause me more stress.  I found out about a committee meeting for women's club that was scheduled on a night that I already had my haircut scheduled for, previously, I would have texted my hairdresser to change so I could figure out a way to do both, but I have realized that sometimes I just have to say no, I already have plans. 

I by no means have this all figured out, and I know that it is going to be a work in progess as the girls get older and more and more stuff comes our way.  I have to prioritize and while priorities may change over time, I know that simply having too much on my plate stresses me out, yet at times I still try to pile more and more stuff on.  So in hopes of leading a more peaceful 2013, I am learning to say no or as Ella would say, No, No, No and wag her finger at you :)